The society is sometimes interesting. The expectations that are put on us regarding relationships are harsh: you should find a perfect match for you at a young age, get married, have kids, be together forever and happily, until you die. If you’re single in a family gathering, you’ll be asked about your dating life constantly. If you still don’t have anyone after you’re 30, you’re an old maid. If you never “settle down” you’re a failure. The questions will only stop whenever you’ve already accomplished everything you’re supposed to do. It’s as if a relationship was the single most important thing one can achieve in their life, and without it you’ve failed or you’re not truly happy; something’s missing. Is it really so?
Being in a relationship sure is nice. That special someone is always there for you and will cuddle you whenever you feel sad. You can trust them with all your heart. Ordinary things like cooking dinner or trips to the supermarket turn to something fun when you can joke around together. You don’t have to sleep alone. You know them inside and out, and they know you, and you can be fully yourself around them. You can give and receive unconditional love. You’re so in love, feel so good and life seems so beautiful and worth living when you’re with them. You can build your life with them and grow old.
But wait… that sounds like a movie. Not all relationships are like this. And definitely not all the time.
First of all, being in a relationship does not require much effort. You can find anyone on Tinder, go on dates and call that a relationship. Is that an achievement? I don’t think so. It’s much harder to find someone who you actually like and want to be with, really. But even finding someone great is not an achievement, unless you did something courageous to approach them which is definitely an achievement, it’s mostly good luck and right timing. There’s a lot of people who would be a match in another time and in another environment, but sometimes life takes you somewhere else.
Old couples who’ve been together for 70 years are often admired and that is seen as a big achievement. But you never know what goes on behind closed doors in a relationship, even in a marriage, that seems so perfect. It could be that they are both too afraid to let go and leave something they’re so used to. I dare to say half of those long marriages have been unhappy for years and they have only settled, because the fear of GOD or judgment from society has been so huge that they thought it’s better to stay put, which to me doesn’t sound like something we should admire. You could say they’re just a beautiful example of never giving up, but it’s not a rule of life. Sometimes you have to admit you should walk away. Never settle just so that you can say you’re in a relationship, or married. Settling is not a great look; it means you’re wasting your life.
Now, being in a happy, healthy and loving relationship that WORKS is absolutely and definitely an achievement. After the cute and easy “honeymoon phase”, being in a relationship demands effort, setting priorities, compromising, practising empathy, will and patience, from both. There’s a need for trust, teamwork and lots of difficult discussions. The reality of a relationship isn’t what Disney or other movies and tv shows have told you. It’s not always pretty, it’s not always fun, it’s ordinary life. It’s not grand gestures, it’s simplicity. Having someone that’ll make you morning coffee and give you a kiss before leaving the house.
Without all that, life can be fulfilling and even easier. There’s also nothing wrong with wanting to have a relationship, just ask yourself why you crave it so much. Often people want to find someone to fix them and their issues with insecurity, but sadly, we must realise we are the only ones who can fix ourselves. If you’re broken and feel like you’re missing something without a relationship, you’re missing self-love. Having someone by your side can help that process or even make you forget the problem but won’t make you whole: expecting happiness from someone else is a lot to ask. Ultimately you’ll stay unhappy if you don’t take ownership of your own happiness.
I think no one can make you happy if you can’t make yourself happy first.
Not even the happiest relationship will make you feel content if you don’t love yourself – and ironically, you can’t achieve a happy relationship before you understand that.
Do you agree? Tell me your thoughts in the comments! ♥