Once upon a time, there was a nice person who wanted everyone to like them. They wanted to please everyone and make others smile, never causing any inconveniences. They saw injustices and people did them wrong but they didn’t speak up because it would cause trouble. If they needed help, they didn’t ask for it because they didn’t want to bother anyone. But, if someone asked them, they always agreed to help even if they didn’t want to, because they wanted to be liked. If a friend asked for an honest opinion, they would always sugarcoat things they said because they didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. They listened to other people’s opinions way too much because they didn’t trust their own. They didn’t want to do or say anything that could cause a shitstorm, because they wanted to be nice and everyone’s favourite friend. But inside, they didn’t like themselves and how their life looked like. Even though this whole time they had been collecting love from others, they felt very lonely and lost. No one knew the real person inside of them. 

Can you relate? 

I can.

I’ve been trying to figure out why my mind went to such a dark place and this might be one big reason. 

I know I have put on a mask for a long time. I didn’t want to show anyone who I really was because I didn’t believe people would like that girl. That girl has some opinions, ambition and fire in her soul, but for some time, living has been easier with this quiet nice girl – image. She doesn’t get into trouble. People like her. I somehow thought that’s maybe what growing up means, that you behave yourself, but it started to bug me when people started walking all over this girl thinking they can get away with it and that’s not okay. There’s a lot of rage and hurt that I didn’t show to those people I should have at the time, and so it’s all build up inside and it took me a while to realize it. 

“Depression is rage turned inwards.” When I read this quote, a lightbulb went on. 

I’ve been so lost for a year now. So desperately trying to seek love from people and still becoming more lonely than I have ever been. I’ve been listening to shitty career advice from people that don’t know anything about what I need and want, and becoming even more lost than before. I’ve been trying to become a better person, an adult that handles problems gracefully, yet I ended up hiding my true self who wants to speak up loud and proud. I thought I was childish for causing problems with people in my past, turns out that’s just my real nature. I am a troublemaker in a way that I love to speak up about things others don’t. I love to make a change and there are people who simply don’t like that. Took me a while to realise it’s their problem, not mine, and I shouldn’t shut up. 

“Growing up means you become the person you were meant to be.”

All our lives we have been told to behave properly and most of us only start to do that when we grow up. We finally do what we were always told to do. Being nice, doing a nice job and acting like we’re so mature even though none of us really are, we just hide our true selves, forget our so-called silly dreams and naive expectations for life and put on a mask that says I’m okay. A lesson I learned is that becoming an adult doesn’t mean you have to behave like everyone wants you to. It doesn’t mean you have to forget who you really are to fit in a certain mold and abandon your inner child just to “grow up” . Growing up does not mean giving up on dreams that others think are crazy. It does not mean you have to live in a certain, proper way. Having a 9-5 job, a steady relationship and classy style does not mean you’re grown. Growing up and becoming an adult means you gain wisdom with age and experience, and follow your own path rather than the one someone else chose for you. Growing up means you become the person you were meant to be. 

If you have been a nice person all your life like me, remember it’s a choice. It’s even a habit. Any day, YOU can act differently. YOU can change the direction of your life. YOU can change how people treat you and others. YOU can show who you really are and be honest. YOU can make a difference. YOU don’t have to give a damn about what other people think about your life choices. And most importantly, YOU matter. All the things you’ve been hiding, your unique ideas and thoughts deserve to be heard. 

YOU are good enough and it’s about time to start showing your true colors. 

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